Tag: family

I want to name my baby the same thing as my friend’s stillborn child

Every parent goes about naming their baby differently.

Some pore over baby name books and baby name websites, others search by first letter, or by language.

Others might consider old family names, while some people go into labour having no idea what name they’ll choose.

They believe seeing the baby will spark inspiration for its name.

Our kids’ names were names I’d encountered over the years and tucked away in my mind, just in case we needed them one day.

My eldest is named for an old co-worker of mine from 20 years ago. He and I weren’t particularly close, I just liked his name.

Jolene came across the name for her daughter-to-be in a similar way.

“When we found out she was going to be a girl, we announced that we would name her Adelaide,” the seven-months-pregnant mom wrote in a Reddit post.

The mom chose the name Adelaide for her baby, but it caused a huge problem for her friend. BGStock72 – stock.adobe.com

“I first heard of this name when I was a kid and thought it was beautiful, and decided that if I ever had a daughter, I would name her Adelaide.”

Mom wants to give baby same name as friend’s stillborn

And although she and her husband loved the name, there was a huge problem.

After hearing they were going to name their baby Adelaide, Jolene’s friend, Ruth, started acting distant.

“Two years ago, she tragically lost her baby girl to a stillbirth,” Jolene explained.

“Despite her trauma, she has never been anything less than kind and empathetic towards me, up until the day [I announced my daughter’s name].”

The name is the same as her friend’s stillborn baby. Thanumporn – stock.adobe.com

Ruth seemed to hate the name. She tried to convince the couple to change it, suggesting other names, telling them Adelaide was too old-fashioned and saying it wouldn’t suit the baby.

“We kept on denying to change her name, until eventually my friend started crying and revealed that Adelaide was the name she’d chosen for her stillborn baby.”

Ruth had never told anyone the baby’s name until that moment.

“She claims that, by keeping our name, we are disrespecting the memory of her baby.

“She said that if I chose the same name then my daughter would be a living reminder of what could have been.”

Despite knowing this hurt her friend, the mom said she was entitled to name her baby whatever she wanted. motortion – stock.adobe.com

While Jolene says she understands the pain Ruth is in, “I believe I should have the right to name my own child without being burdened by someone else’s trauma.”

Reddit community divided over baby name

The Reddit community was divided.

Some said to think of the friendship, reminding Jolene that “Adelaide” was just a name.

“Are you willing to lose a friend over this name,” one person asked.

“I would probably pick a different name,” said another.

One person questioned why Jolene would be so stuck on the name after hearing about Ruth’s heartbreak.

“All you gotta do is imagine socialising with your friend and imagine her misery on hearing that name,” one person said. “If the thought upsets you, pick another [name].”

Others thought she could do what she liked. “Your baby, your right to name it whatever you want,” said one person. “Though sad for your friend, you didn’t know beforehand… it is  outrageous entitlement for her to harass you about your child’s name at this late date.”

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My needy, demanding mother is ruining my life

DEAR ABBY: I am a daughter who has spent 40 years helping out my parents. My father passed away seven years ago, and I miss him every day. My mother, whom I love very much, has become very needy, demanding and vocal in running all of our lives since Dad’s death. I’m at my wit’s end and don’t know what to do. My mother wants to be waited on hand and foot and has become very lazy. She’s 85 and has no major health issues. What do I do before she drives us all nuts? — FRUSTRATED IN IOWA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Because your mother is in good health and of sound mind, I presume, it may be time for a family intervention. Explain that you love her, but you all have busy lives, and she is going to have to assume more responsibility for herself. 

Encourage her to become active with her church or to seek out volunteer opportunities, and guide her toward the nearest senior center where she can find companionship, commiseration and activities she may enjoy to fill her time. I wish you luck. You are all still in the midst of a transition, and they are rarely easy.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother is toxic. I want to cut ties with him because he has always criticized, antagonized, marginalized and dismissed me. He has no filters and also criticizes and ridicules my grown children. I’ve had enough. 

If I were ghosted, I’d want to know why and not be blindsided. But it’s pointless to engage or explain to him. He’s a lifelong bachelor with no children or significant other, so he has me in his will if he goes first. I would be physically ill to inherit his estate — home, car, funds and personal effects. I want nothing from him. Should I notify his attorney and copy my brother that I wish to be removed from his will? — OTHER BROTHER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR OTHER BROTHER: It would be even more effective if you include in your letter the reasons for your decision.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from “Mildred” for 10 years. I have been with my girlfriend, “Eleanor,” for five years, and we are serious. (She was not the cause of the divorce; Mildred’s temper was.) My daughter’s boyfriend plans to propose to her at a surprise party. All her friends and family will be there. Mildred is hosting the party, and she’s refusing to allow Eleanor to attend. My ex and Eleanor have never seen or spoken to each other. What should I do? — EXCITED DAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DAD: What you should not do is allow your ex-wife’s vindictiveness to dictate your social life. If you would like to bring your girlfriend of five years to the party, make plain to your ex that you’re bringing her, and then do it. Mildred does not have to like Eleanor to behave like a gracious hostess and a lady. (She probably could benefit from counseling, but do not suggest it.) 

Actually, counseling might be helpful for you and Eleanor to help you learn how to handle Mildred in the future, because there will probably be more family celebrations. You have my sympathy.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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Intact families help keep our kids safe from predators

As parents, we are vigilant about our children’s proximity to danger as we presume the worst must always come from outside our homes.

We believe predators can only reach as far as our doorsteps because we would never knowingly let a wolf into our henhouse.

But the deterioration of the nuclear family and marriage in America has created a major vulnerability for our children.

The wolves of the world exploit our familial disconnection by providing an illusion of a loving relationship to gain access beyond our doorsteps.

One of these wolves, 28-year-old Tyresse Minter, allegedly devoured the life of his stepson, 15-year-old Corde Scott, after a suspected argument in their Westchester Square apartment in The Bronx.

Minter, who was released from prison on parole just a month before Scott’s death, allegedly put his stepson in a chokehold, cutting off his oxygen supply, and proceeded to wrap his legs around Scott while holding his neck until he lost consciousness.

Despite the heinous nature of the child’s strangulation, Judge Naita Semaj released Minter immediately after his arraignment Wednesday, though he was on parole for a felony-assault conviction.

After The Post put Scott on its Thursday cover, Gov. Kathy Hochul stepped in.


Tyresse Minter, 28, allegedly strangled his stepson, Corde Scott, 15, to death after a suspected argument.
Tyrese Minter./Facebook

“My top priority is public safety. Earlier today, the Department of Corrections and Community Supervision issued a warrant for Tyresse Minter, and he is now in custody,” Hochul said Thursday.

“DOCCS is initiating the parole revocation process due to his indictment for criminal negligent homicide and manslaughter.”

We’ve neglected to understand how our children’s proximity to danger coincides with the solidity of our family structure — it’s the most important risk factor for child abuse.

The American perspective of family has been tainted by the selfishness of whatever benefits the adults at a given moment rather than what can benefit our children for a lifetime.


Gov. Kathy Hochul issued a statement that “the Department of Corrections and Community Supervision issued a warrant for Tyresse Minter, and he is now in custody.”
Pacific Press/LightRocket via Getty Images

We tell each other our children are resilient and adaptable to rationalize choosing familial dysfunction through divorce to chase potential romance instead of chasing our children’s needs.

Though we are adults, we often act like whimsical children, pursuing our sexual desires and never questioning if the quality of our sexual partners is on par with the quality of parental figures our children need.

Our children are the ones who suffer from our choices the most, as their primary advocates for safety and prosperity have unintentionally become the ones who relocate that danger directly into their homes.


After The Post’s Thursday cover, New York’s governor stepped up.
New York Post

The statistics are clear: Children are 40 times as likely to be sexually or physically abused if their parent finds a new partner than if they live with their biological parents.

And even more tragic, they are nearly 50 times more likely to die of inflicted injuries living in a home with unrelated adults than children who live with their biological parents.

Children living without either parent (foster children) are 10 times more likely to be sexually abused than children living with both biological parents.

Kids who live with a single parent who has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: They’re 20 times more likely to be sexual-abuse victims than children living with both biological parents.

The American nuclear family is rapidly decaying, and opportunistic vultures have long been circling our children patiently waiting to feast on their innocence.

The list of children who have been murdered by their parent’s partners is disturbingly long.

Eight-year old Sophia Mason of Merced, Calif., was allegedly murdered by her mother’s boyfriend; police found her lifeless body battered from long-term abuse and malnourishment in a bathtub.

Houston 5-year-old Samuel Olson was allegedly murdered by his father’s girlfriend; his body was found in a black tote with a lid secured by zip ties.

We had a hand in the downfall as nearly a quarter of America’s children are growing up in single-parent homes — the most in the world.

But if we have the power to destroy, we have the power to rebuild.

The reconstruction of our homes will only help to save a child like Corde Scott from becoming another tragic victim and statistic.

If we’re going to make America great again, it has to start from within our own homes.

Adam B. Coleman is the author of “Black Victim to Black Victor” and founder of Wrong Speak Publishing. Follow him on Substack: adambcoleman.substack.com.

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I am in love with my boss

DEAR ABBY: I’m a 40-year-old wife and mother, married for 23 years. I have never been unfaithful. I never even thought of another man until a few months ago. Then, boom! It happened. I have fallen in love with my boss, “Tony.” He is four years younger than my husband, and he’s married. When I told him how I feel, at first he was shocked and not very interested. Now he’s had time to think about it, and he’s starting to show some interest. 

I am afraid of what may happen if he asks me out. What should I do? Should I go out with him? Is it possible to love one man and also be in love with another? I’m so crazy about Tony that it hurts. I think about him all the time and even dream about him. (I have been known to talk in my sleep.) When I’m making love to my husband, Tony’s on my mind. Please tell me what to do. — MISERABLY IN LOVE IN MISSOURI

DEAR MISERABLY IN LOVE: Gladly! Lady, you are playing with fire. Recognize that if you follow through with starting an affair with your boss, it’s likely to end up hurting four people, including you. The odds are that your marriage will be history, and Tony could be in for a very expensive divorce. 

Whether you continue for years as Tony’s side piece, or he figures out that a dalliance with an employee is too dangerous, the person most likely to lose out, emotionally and financially, is you. If you are unable to regain your emotional balance, quit your job. If you are lucky, Tony may give you a good reference.

DEAR ABBY: My 44-year-old son is a long-haul driver. His girlfriend has 14-year-old and 17-year-old daughters, who are both high-functioning autistic. My son thinks they should have chores because they need to learn to live independently. This is the biggest argument they have. 

He says that they should be on the internet for only four hours per day, and that once they graduate, they will have to be on their own. They do nothing around the house — they don’t clean their room or pick up after themselves. My son has told his girlfriend that if they don’t learn how to do it now, they won’t know once they move out. 

His girlfriend tells him he is right when he says, “You need to find another place to live.” But she goes right back to doing nothing to help her girls learn to become independent. She receives child support for the girls and works part-time. She doesn’t think she should help pay for things “because he makes good money.” But these girls are not his. They agreed when she moved in that she would pay half the expenses. What do you think of this situation? — DISGUSTED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Your son’s girlfriend promised before she moved in that she would pay half the expenses. She has reneged on her promise, and your son has allowed it. This woman is not only irresponsible, she’s a terrible parent by fostering her daughters’ dependence. When the girls turn 18 nothing will change, and he should expect to support the three of them until he finally has had enough of this arrangement. If you have shared your feelings with him and he has chosen to tolerate the status quo, then quit wasting your breath. It is his life and his choice.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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My mom is using my daughter’s death for social media clout

DEAR ABBY: My daughter passed away nine years ago. She was almost 13. My mother never bothered to have a relationship with her when she was alive. But now, on every birthday and anniversary of her passing, Mom posts on Facebook how much she misses her and how “close” they were. Her friends all send messages of love addressed to Mom, with no mention of my husband and me. It hurts and upsets us, but I don’t know how — or if — I should talk with her about it. Any words of advice? — GRIEVING MOM IN CALIFORNIA 

DEAR GRIEVING MOM: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your daughter. It is possible now that she is gone, your mother realizes how many opportunities she missed to have a close relationship with her grandchild, and she posts those messages out of guilt. She may also do it for attention, which is sad. You can’t stop her from posting what she wants on her page, but you can spare yourself the upset you experience when you see it if you stay away from Facebook on these occasions.

DEAR ABBY: I am a closeted lesbian in my teens and really scared about coming out. I recently moved to an area of the country that is full of racists, sexists and homophobes. Most of my friends are really religious. One of them has said bad things about gay people and what she would like to do to them. I’m scared to come out to them. 

I have only come out to a few people, but I know my family will accept me no matter what. I would really like to feel comfortable around my friends as my true self, but I’m not sure how I can do that. — YEARNING TO BE ME IN THE SOUTH

DEAR YEARNING: Because you are sure your parents will be supportive and accepting, come out to them. However, unless you consider coming out in your community to be safe, you shouldn’t do it. You can find friends on the internet. Social media can provide friendships until you are old enough to leave the area you now live in. This is what many young LGBTQ people do. You have a wonderful life ahead of you, and you should come out when you feel the time is right.

DEAR ABBY: How does one handle visiting a patient who is in the hospital for tests or a procedure when they have an attention-seeking person sitting with them the entire time? The patient is up for visitors and able to communicate, but this extra person — who is not who you have gone to see — monopolizes the entire visit. I offered to give the person a break so I could actually visit the patient, but the hint was ignored. Any suggestions? — DREADING VISITATION IN OHIO

DEAR DREADING: I do have one. Before you visit, call the patient and ask if a visit is welcome and if there is a time when you can be alone. If the answer is no, wait until the patient is out of the hospital to have that visit. Between you and me, when someone is in the hospital, that person should rest rather than “entertain” anyone, with the exception of closest family members.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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I want to be in a ‘throuple’ with married friends

DEAR ABBY: I’m a woman in my early 50s who has been through two divorces. This may make me sound like a bad person, but I’m really nice and quite conservative. I just make poor choices when it comes to men.

A few years ago, I met a woman I have become good friends with. She’s happily married. She and her husband are empty nesters, like I am. We often socialize, and when we do there is definite chemistry between the three of us.

I’ve recently heard of the concept of a “throuple,” which is consenting adults living together as any couple would, except there are three rather than two. I can’t help but wonder whether my friend, her husband and I might make a good throuple. This is not a case of rushing into something. We have known each other for several years and have established trust and compatibility.

I’m nervous to bring this up because I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship. I’m also scared about how deeply I feel for both of these people, and I think it’s mutual. I don’t like being single, and the thought of dating again gives me hives. What should I do? — FOUND THE RIGHT ONES OUT WEST

DEAR FOUND: Carefully consider which will give you worse hives. After two divorces, you are now in a position to make wiser decisions about men in the future, provided you’re willing to risk dipping your toe into the dating pool. 

It’s very possible that, as much as this couple likes you, they may not be enthusiastic about the idea of a throuple. Proposing what you have in mind may put a crimp in your relationship with one — or both — of them. Unless you can find a way to casually gauge their reaction to “throupling” hypothetically in the course of a conversation, allow me to share a bit of wisdom that has served me well: When in doubt — don’t!

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter’s husband has not bonded with their youngest child. He won’t hold her or play with her, and barely acknowledges her existence. When, through therapy, our daughter learned to confront the issue, he admitted he just doesn’t feel anything for the child. 

In truth, he’s not much more attentive to their 3-year-old. He would rather play video games than interact with his children or his wife. As far as we know, he isn’t physically abusive toward the children or our daughter, but he is definitely verbally abusive. 

Having been a victim of abuse myself, I am well aware that verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse and, in fact, is sometimes a precursor to physical abuse. As grandparents, is there anything we can do, or must we watch these precious little girls be starved for affection from their father? — AWARE IN TEXAS

DEAR AWARE: While you cannot force your son-in-law to be a better parent — or husband — you CAN encourage your daughter to continue her therapy so she can become more assertive, not only for the sake of her children, but also for herself. It may give her the strength to end the marriage. In the meantime, continue to love your grandchildren and give them the positive reinforcement and all the attention they deserve so they learn what healthy relationships feel like.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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I want to divorce my husband but he has cancer

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for nine years. While we were dating, he was kind, considerate and loving. After we married, he turned into a chronic complainer, something he later confessed he had been hiding while we dated.

He talks to me like I’m trash and then gets nice when he wants something. He complains about my grown children, my best friend and even if I leave for work a couple of minutes early. He is a miserable person. I cannot do anything to make him happy. I can’t take this anymore. 

He has taken the things away from me that I love — flowers, gardening, pets, books, friends, etc. I’m ready to leave, but he has cancer and I’d feel guilty. He is clear right now, but it will come back. 

I don’t want to stay. Life is too short to live this way. He has a great support system with his family. They would take care of him. My health has been affected by him and his terrible attitude. What do I do? — WORN-OUT WIFE

DEAR WIFE: What you do now is consult a lawyer, pack your bags and leave before he worsens. Do not expect your husband to be grateful for any of the efforts you have made on his behalf during the course of your marriage. During the time you were dating, he hid from you the fact that he was a verbal abuser. Now you know he was a fraud. Don’t feel guilty for protecting yourself and reclaiming your life.

DEAR ABBY: My brother passed away. He and my sister-in-law had a good marriage. A month after his funeral, my sister-in-law gave her kids their father’s clothes, instructed them to go through them, keep what they wanted or sell or donate the rest. It has been barely a year. Now she’s redecorating their house — painting, taking down pictures and buying new furniture. 

This bothers me greatly. I’m so hurt that everything is being changed. It’s like she’s trying to erase him — all within one year! Should I ask her why everything is being changed and disposed of so soon? And should I feel so hurt about this? — UNSURE HOW TO FEEL

DEAR UNSURE: Your former sister-in-law appears to be more pragmatic than sentimental, and there is nothing wrong with that. She knew her late husband could no longer use his wardrobe, and saw no reason to keep the items hanging in the closet. That she offered his clothes to her children was appropriate. That she is now making changes to the house is not unusual. People are cautioned not to make “important decisions” for about a year after a spouse passes, and your former SIL has wisely refrained. 

If you want to ask her why she’s changing things, do so in a non-accusatory way that won’t offend her. I suspect that you are feeling hurt because you are still not ready to accept that your brother is gone forever. You might find it helpful to talk about it with someone with expertise in the grieving process.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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I’m cheating on my boyfriend — he has no idea

DEAR ABBY: I’m in a three-year relationship, but my significant other, “Ron,” is extremely cautious about emotional attachment. It took him two years to tell me he loves me or even to express any form of serious affection. In addition, he’s consumed by his job and worries about how his co-workers perceive him. He seems to prioritize work relationships over our relationship. 

Because I have been depressed by the meager affection he shows me, I began an intimate relationship with a former co-worker, “Dan.” Dan expresses no reservations or restraint in his feelings for me. He makes me feel appreciated, beautiful and loved. 

I have strong feelings for them both and realize I have created a horrible situation. I don’t want to abandon a stable, caring relationship that was cultivated over three years, and I’m terrified that ending the relationship in favor of one with Dan would be something I’ll regret later. But I’m unwilling to break things off with Dan. I’d appreciate any advice. — TWO-TIMER ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR ‘TWO-TIMER’: I’ll try. Because your relationship with Ron left you feeling so empty that you went looking for solace in another man’s arms, ask yourself whether you really love Ron or just the challenge of getting him to finally commit to you. You are unwilling to give Dan up because he gives you affection and validation, which are vital in a long-term relationship. 

Recognize that you are cheating on both men, which is fair to neither one — and do not think that Ron won’t find out. If you want to spend your life with an emotionally unavailable workaholic, do the honorable thing and break up with Dan. If what you have been getting from Dan is more important to you, well, you know the drill.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest daughter recently had her first child. She sent out christening invitations a month early after clearing the date with the godparents, church and venue. 

My youngest adult daughter, who has two children and lives nearby, declined the invite. (She is not the godparent.) Her reason was that she and her family had tickets to a ballgame on the same day as the christening. I suggested that only she attend and have another relative go to the game in her place, but was told she should be at the game with her family. Your thoughts? — PRIORITIES IN FLORIDA

DEAR PRIORITIES: My first thought is that your younger daughter ranks her love of sports above her love for her sister. My second thought is that her priorities are out of whack. Could there be bad blood between them? Long after that ballgame is over and forgotten, the memory of her absence at that important family event will be remembered by the relatives she snubbed. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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The woman I like is perfect, but her children have a serious problem

DEAR ABBY: I am friendly with a woman who is wonderful and caring. She calls to ask how I’m doing, drops off coffee to say hi, etc. She has a great heart and soul. Our boys are close in age. That’s the problem — I do not like her children. 

Her kids are difficult and they run roughshod over her. She knows discipline is a problem, but she’s at a loss. My children don’t enjoy playing with them, either. Her kids are careless and don’t listen to authority. I want to continue our friendship, but I like her better without the children in tow. Should I speak up or fade away? — CONDITIONAL FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND: Your friend’s children can’t be blamed for things they were never taught. Tell your friend that when her kids visit your home, you will be establishing some “house rules.” If you do, you may be doing that entire family a favor. If her kids cannot comply, inform her that your children no longer want to play with hers and why. She needs that information before her kids become social outcasts. If your friendship with her fades after that, and I sincerely hope it won’t, then que sera, sera.

DEAR ABBY: I have no family and few friends — nobody close. My live-in girlfriend of two years and I argue constantly. We no longer share a bedroom, and I feel more like a roommate. I honestly feel I’m being used for money. Her 24-year-old son died from an overdose two months ago, so I can’t help but feel sorry for her. She isn’t working, and I don’t know when she can return. 

I don’t have the money to move. I wish I did. I’m miserable, she’s miserable and I feel stuck. I’m 46; she’s 44. I pay rent and 50% of the utilities, which is fine. But how can I ever get out? Moving isn’t cheap anymore. 

I’m desperate for hope that I’m not stuck here forever. I’m afraid if I move — even if I live in a tent for now — she will give up on everything. She has two grown kids, but she was closest to the one who passed. I feel guilty for wanting and needing to leave. At the same time, I’m miserable. She’s in therapy and on medicine. Please advise. — WITHOUT HOPE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR WITHOUT HOPE: Start saving whatever money you can and explore options for other living arrangements, including renting a single room. Staying where you are under these circumstances will make you sick if you don’t take control of your life. Your former girlfriend is under the care of a doctor. You are NOT her lifeline. She will survive. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS WHO CELEBRATE THE LUNAR NEW YEAR: The Year of the Rabbit begins today. In Chinese culture, the rabbit is known to be the luckiest of all 12 animals in the zodiac. People born in the Year of the Rabbit are calm and peaceful. They avoid fighting and arguing, are artistic and have good taste. However, they may be insecure and sensitive and dislike criticism, which causes them to be averse to change. I wish a happy, healthy new year to all who are celebrating this holiday. — LOVE, ABBY

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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My aunt is a money-hungry, conniving thief

DEAR ABBY: My aunt is a money-hungry, conniving thief. From the time I was a baby, she always bought me gifts. But when her parents (my grandparents) died, she literally stole more than $200,000 from them. She claims my grandfather willed it all to her, which is not true because he detested her. She promised my mom $5,000 when she retired. Well, it has been 10 years since Mom retired, and my aunt claims she doesn’t remember promising her. Then she claimed she invested and lost it. Do I have a right to be angry at her? — MAD IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MAD: I think so, and your mother has the right to be even angrier. My question for you is how much time do you want to waste nursing the grudge? It doesn’t hurt your aunt, but it takes up space in your head that could be devoted to positive endeavors. This is not to say you must maintain a relationship with this woman. Quite the contrary. 

DEAR ABBY: We have been visiting our children and have been asked to remove our shoes when inside. I am diabetic. I have been complying with the no-shoes edicts, but reluctantly. We keep our shoes on in our home, so spending several days padding around in my socks makes me uncomfortable.

Abby, diabetics are cautioned to keep their shoes on at all times, even inside. There are real risks to a diabetic’s feet. Also, I have trouble navigating stairs and slipped several times while climbing or descending the stairs in my stocking feet. It’s dangerous for me to go up and down uncarpeted wood steps. It seems to me that the no-shoes folk should think about some of these issues before issuing a mandate. — DIABETIC DAD IN MISSOURI

DEAR DAD: Do nothing that is counter to your doctor’s orders. If you haven’t explained them to your children, do it now. Perhaps a compromise could work: Buy a pair of shoes or slippers for indoor use only that you leave at their home for the times when you visit. However, if they are not open to this idea, you will have to visit with them only outside their home.

DEAR ABBY: I like this guy at work. I think he’s cute, but I don’t know if he’s interested. I also don’t know if there’s a chance he would ask me out. I’m scared I might be considered a “cougar.” I am older than he is by five (or more) years. Please advise. — ANXIOUS IN MARYLAND

DEAR ANXIOUS: Are there any rules at work that discourage employees from dating each other? Some businesses have them. Does this guy spend time talking with you during breaks? If he does, it’s a hopeful sign. Has he mentioned what he does outside of work and whether he’s seeing anyone? If he does flirt with you, you could always ask if he’d be interested in meeting for a drink after work, going to a sporting event, etc. But be prepared that he may want you only for a friend. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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