Tag: infidelity

DEAR ABBY: I’m a 40-year-old wife and mother, married for 23 years. I have never been unfaithful. I never even thought of another man until a few months ago. Then, boom! It happened. I have fallen in love with my boss, “Tony.” He is four years younger than my husband, and he’s married. When I told him how I feel, at first he was shocked and not very interested. Now he’s had time to think about it, and he’s starting to show some interest. 

I am afraid of what may happen if he asks me out. What should I do? Should I go out with him? Is it possible to love one man and also be in love with another? I’m so crazy about Tony that it hurts. I think about him all the time and even dream about him. (I have been known to talk in my sleep.) When I’m making love to my husband, Tony’s on my mind. Please tell me what to do. — MISERABLY IN LOVE IN MISSOURI

DEAR MISERABLY IN LOVE: Gladly! Lady, you are playing with fire. Recognize that if you follow through with starting an affair with your boss, it’s likely to end up hurting four people, including you. The odds are that your marriage will be history, and Tony could be in for a very expensive divorce. 

Whether you continue for years as Tony’s side piece, or he figures out that a dalliance with an employee is too dangerous, the person most likely to lose out, emotionally and financially, is you. If you are unable to regain your emotional balance, quit your job. If you are lucky, Tony may give you a good reference.

DEAR ABBY: My 44-year-old son is a long-haul driver. His girlfriend has 14-year-old and 17-year-old daughters, who are both high-functioning autistic. My son thinks they should have chores because they need to learn to live independently. This is the biggest argument they have. 

He says that they should be on the internet for only four hours per day, and that once they graduate, they will have to be on their own. They do nothing around the house — they don’t clean their room or pick up after themselves. My son has told his girlfriend that if they don’t learn how to do it now, they won’t know once they move out. 

His girlfriend tells him he is right when he says, “You need to find another place to live.” But she goes right back to doing nothing to help her girls learn to become independent. She receives child support for the girls and works part-time. She doesn’t think she should help pay for things “because he makes good money.” But these girls are not his. They agreed when she moved in that she would pay half the expenses. What do you think of this situation? — DISGUSTED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Your son’s girlfriend promised before she moved in that she would pay half the expenses. She has reneged on her promise, and your son has allowed it. This woman is not only irresponsible, she’s a terrible parent by fostering her daughters’ dependence. When the girls turn 18 nothing will change, and he should expect to support the three of them until he finally has had enough of this arrangement. If you have shared your feelings with him and he has chosen to tolerate the status quo, then quit wasting your breath. It is his life and his choice.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: I’m in a three-year relationship, but my significant other, “Ron,” is extremely cautious about emotional attachment. It took him two years to tell me he loves me or even to express any form of serious affection. In addition, he’s consumed by his job and worries about how his co-workers perceive him. He seems to prioritize work relationships over our relationship. 

Because I have been depressed by the meager affection he shows me, I began an intimate relationship with a former co-worker, “Dan.” Dan expresses no reservations or restraint in his feelings for me. He makes me feel appreciated, beautiful and loved. 

I have strong feelings for them both and realize I have created a horrible situation. I don’t want to abandon a stable, caring relationship that was cultivated over three years, and I’m terrified that ending the relationship in favor of one with Dan would be something I’ll regret later. But I’m unwilling to break things off with Dan. I’d appreciate any advice. — TWO-TIMER ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR ‘TWO-TIMER’: I’ll try. Because your relationship with Ron left you feeling so empty that you went looking for solace in another man’s arms, ask yourself whether you really love Ron or just the challenge of getting him to finally commit to you. You are unwilling to give Dan up because he gives you affection and validation, which are vital in a long-term relationship. 

Recognize that you are cheating on both men, which is fair to neither one — and do not think that Ron won’t find out. If you want to spend your life with an emotionally unavailable workaholic, do the honorable thing and break up with Dan. If what you have been getting from Dan is more important to you, well, you know the drill.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest daughter recently had her first child. She sent out christening invitations a month early after clearing the date with the godparents, church and venue. 

My youngest adult daughter, who has two children and lives nearby, declined the invite. (She is not the godparent.) Her reason was that she and her family had tickets to a ballgame on the same day as the christening. I suggested that only she attend and have another relative go to the game in her place, but was told she should be at the game with her family. Your thoughts? — PRIORITIES IN FLORIDA

DEAR PRIORITIES: My first thought is that your younger daughter ranks her love of sports above her love for her sister. My second thought is that her priorities are out of whack. Could there be bad blood between them? Long after that ballgame is over and forgotten, the memory of her absence at that important family event will be remembered by the relatives she snubbed. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.