When Caleb was a little boy, his mom was abusive.
“My dad wasn’t around much, hardly ever saw him. And my mother, due to my autistic traits, would sometimes call me a ‘f—king idiot good for nothing,” he said in a Reddit post.
“So I wanted to be a good parent to my son.”
But no parent is perfect. Even if they promise themselves they will be, that’s no guarantee they won’t do something they regret.
Caleb’s post read like a confession. His autistic son, who is mostly non-verbal, had done a poo and made a mess in the bathroom.
“It got all over the toilet, shower curtain, rug and bathtub. I think he may have been trying to clean up after he messed himself.”
Caleb faced the mess with admirable calm, reminding his son that poo needed to go in the toilet, and asking him if he understood.
“I tried not to be too hard on him, but this was one of the biggest messes he’s ever done.”
Dad takes to Reddit to confess
“After cleaning up a bit, I had to sit him on the toilet and told him to ‘finish in the potty if you need to make more poo.’”
He didn’t need to, but the 10-year-old wasn’t leaning forward far enough to be wiped, so Caleb grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled.
“It was a light pull.
“He didn’t even seem bothered by it, didn’t cry or rub his head as if it hurt.”
But that didn’t stop Caleb feeling awful. As he washed his son off in the shower, he apologized.
“I said, ‘I’m so sorry I pulled your hair. I should not have done that. I’m sorry, I love you.’ He then repeated, ‘I love you.’”
Even though it seemed like he was forgiven by his son, Caleb couldn’t forgive himself.
He looked to the Reddit community for a sounding board, but added that if anyone thought he was an awful parent, he’d agree.
Reddit supports autistic dad
The community flooded the comments with support, telling Caleb he should forgive himself.
“Also autistic,” said one person. “Shit happens (ha!) and we all make mistakes, especially when we’re stressed and tired. You’re going through parenting on hard mode, and it’s only natural that your patience is going to be tested on a regular basis. This is the FIRST time this has happened. You are not your mother.”
“This made me want to cry,” said another person. “Although I don’t have the same challenges or perspective, you sound like you’re doing your best and that you are a genuinely good person and parent. Please forgive yourself.”
“This made me tear up,” a third person wrote. “I am also a parent of an autistic son and it is so goddamn tough sometimes. You are not an awful parent, an awful parent would feel no guilt or shame. You are just under an tremendous amount of stress and you deserve to forgive yourself.”
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