Tag: online dating

Proof women are meant to have multiple lovers at the same time: Jana Hocking

Guys, I don’t know about monogamy. Have we been hoodwinked? Seriously.

As someone who has been single for a fair chunk of my 30s, I’ve got to witness many things in my friends’ relationships, family relationships and my relationships.

Close friends who are kind, considerate people with good heads on their shoulders have been caught up in affairs, or at the very least flirted with the idea.

And we’re not talking sleazy dudes having a midlife crisis, but everyday people, nurses, teachers, plenty of office workers.

Marrying and settling down may not be the answer to women’s happiness – in fact, it could be much more X-rated than that, says Jana Hocking. Instagram/jana_hocking

And before I get a flood of angry messages from people saying ‘affairs ruin family’ let me state for the record: I KNOW! I’ve lived it. But that only firms my resolve more. When people are risking stable family lives for a connection, however brief, with someone else it makes me wonder if we are genetically wired to stay with just one person.

We’re brought up believing that monogamy is the morally correct way to live our lives but are we designed for it?

This sounds a little random but stick with me … I was recently invited to go into a penguin enclosure at a local zoo and saw these hilariously cute creatures up close.

Hocking said that having an open relationship at the start could be a great bridging tool to close the gap from single to taken.
Getty Images

The zookeeper was telling us some facts about their mating habits and it was pretty fascinating.

He revealed that while most penguin species are monogamous (one male breeds with one female during a mating season), research has shown that some females may have up to three partners in one season (floozies!) and some males may have one or two partners.

Mate selection is up to the female, and it is the females that compete for the males.

Not so different to the current state of dating, if we’re being honest.

Yes, even in the animal kingdom monogamy isn’t guaranteed.

In fact, among mammals, just 9 percent of species are monogamous and among primates, just 29 percent are.

And to further prove my point biologist, and evolutionary psychologist David P. Barash asks in his book Out of Eden if monogamy doesn’t come naturally to humans – why does society insist on it?

He found that monogamy is losing ground to instincts with much deeper roots in human history.

You see, we weren’t always monogamous. No, no.

That concept has only been around for the last 1000 years.

Anyone who has been in a stable long-term relationship will quickly realize what a cesspit the current dating scene is, Jana Hocking wrote. Getty Images

Before that, primates were solitary and preferred to live in isolation only coming together to mate.

To be fair, I think many of us still live like primates, only coming out of our Netflix binge sessions to occasionally flirt and throw a leg over. Joking. Kind of.

As someone who is afraid of commitment and yet definitely wants a relationship, I’ve recently been thinking that perhaps an open relationship at the start could be a great bridging tool to close the gap from single to taken.

“I am beginning to believe that an open relationship is key to a better relationship,” Hocking wrote. Jana Hocking/Instagram

It takes away the pressure so many of us feel of being trapped in a relationship.

With open communication from the very beginning perhaps it could be the secret to taking that scary first step.

And a heck load cheaper than a year’s worth of therapy.

And honestly, nine times out of 10 if we know we at least have the option of throwing our net wider in the dating pool, we probably won’t want to.

I believe it will most likely lead to a closed relationship once we get comfy with the idea of a partnership.

Plus, it takes away the horrid, sneaky, guilt-inducing aspect of monogamy.

I think it’s normal to want to explore outside your relationship but trust me the grass is not greener my friends.

This also assures me that opening a relationship isn’t necessarily a threat to your current relationship.

Anyone who has been in a stable long-term relationship will quickly realize what a cesspit the current dating scene is.

Sure, many people who shacked up before dating apps may feel like they are missing out on a romping good time.

Hocking continued to write “I think it’s normal to want to explore outside your relationship but trust me the grass is not greener my friends.” jana_hocking/Instagram

But once they’ve been ghosted, or catfished they will realise they’ve actually missed out on nothing.

So here’s a modern idea; let them.

I am beginning to believe that an open relationship is key to a better relationship.

Not holding each other back.

Giving each other freedom and being completely open and honest about it. It’s certainly a thought …

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking.

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My Hinge date left to ‘move his car’ — then never came back

He swiped right but sped off left.

A woman has gone viral on TikTok after revealing that her Hinge date left to go “move his car” seconds after meeting her in a sports bar — only to never come back.

Florida native Rachel Wilson said that she then received a text from the man saying, “Sorry wasn’t feeling it,” complete with a sad face emoji.

The TikTok has gained nearly 4 million views since it was posted last month.

According to Wilson, she was supposed to meet the fella who drove away at the bar for “chicken wings and a beer.” Wilson said that she waited outside the bar before she received the text informing her that he took off.

“I stood in front of the restaurant waiting for about five minutes before I got the text,” said the 28-year-old. “I didn’t respond and immediately deleted his number and have heard no word from him since.”


Florida native Rachel Wilson said that she then received a text from the man saying “Sorry wasn’t feeling it” complete with a sad face emoji.
Jam Press Vid/@raychfayce

Wilson said that she waited outside the bar for almost five minutes before she received the text.
Jam Press Vid/@raychfayce

Wilson was left baffled by the sudden disappearance of her date since she didn’t pick up on any sketchy behavior while they were chatting on the app.

Despite the fleeting feelings, Wilson stated the small hiccup will not send her on a detour to find love.

Wilson also said that while the date took a left turn into nothing, she is happy that they made plans.

“I liked that he made solid plans right off the bat,” stated the jilted lover. “I hate when you meet someone on a dating app and talk back and forth forever, with no solid plans to meet.”

Several of Wilson’s followers weighed in on the date.

“At least he texted you. Many would have blocked you and left,” stated one user.

“I had a guy fake having MS 5mins into mine. Happened last week,” said another.

“I saw my gym crush on Hinge. He lived 15 mins away from me but told me he couldn’t do long distance,” sympathized a third person. “I still would see him at the gym before I moved.”

“I mean technically he did move his car,” one person joked. “Away from you, the restaurant, and closer to his house.”

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I’m a scientist of human evolution — men have 3 top dating ‘red flags’

Don’t say he didn’t warn you.

Writer and scientist Macken Murphy took to TikTok last week to reveal his hypothesis for the three most common red flags that women should look out for when dating men.

Murphy, an Oxford University-educated cognitive and evolutionary anthropologist, has declared it a bad sign if a man has no friends, has an unfaithful parent and regularly insults his partner — a manipulative practice often referred to as “negging.”

The viral video, posted Friday, has already climbed to over 1.3 million views on the app

“Kind of a sad one, but male-male friendships are much easier to maintain than male-female romantic relationships,” Murphy began of his red flag philosophy. “And so if a guy can’t maintain guy friends, that is a strong signal that he won’t be able to maintain you.”

Murphy then went on to warn that history has been known to repeat itself. “It’s partly genetic, and some research indicates that the genes that influence infidelity differ between the sexes,” he said. “So that’s just to say that all else being equal, a guy with an unfaithful father is more likely to cheat on you.”

A 2017 study, reported by Psychology Today, found that to be true. Among those taking part in the survey who admitted to being unfaithful in their marriage, 35% of them also reported infidelity in their own parents’ relationships.

If a man has no friends, Murphy advises women to watch out.
Tiktok / mackenmurphy
Macken Murphy explained that cheating can run in the family.
Tiktok / mackenmurphy


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Many commenters seemed to agree with Murphy’s sentiments about “negging.”
Tiktok / mackenmurphy


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Murphy’s final red flag should be obvious, he insisted — while referring to American author and psychologist David Buss, who discussed the concept of “mate-value.”

“I learned from Dr. David Buss that a man with low mate-value will often put down a woman. He wants to reduce her self perceived mate-value, her self-esteem, in order to get her to lower her standards and accept him as a mate,” Murphy elaborated.

In the American Psychological Association dictionary, mate value describes how one has assessed themselves or others in terms of their desirability and viability as a romantic or life partner. So a person who thinks little of themself may resort to “negging” others for a self-esteem boost.

He continued, “So my third red flag is a guy negging you. Don’t internalize his signaling, recognize it for what it is: a strong signal that you can do better.”

In the comments section of Murphy’s video, many people seemed to agree with his assessment — especially the last one.

“Negging only ever amps up and gets worse,” someone wrote. “And worse. And worse. Til it’s full-blown abuse.”

Another user agreed, writing, “The negging part is so true, I’d love to see it more widely recognized for what it is.”

“100% agree!” one viewer commented. “My ex doesn’t have any long-lasting male friendships & he used to neg me.”

Some, however, did not want to take his advice.

“1. Makes no sense just bc someone is anti-social doesn’t mean they can’t maintain relationships,” they typed.

One TikToker questioned, “But what if you don’t want friends? I like isolation I call my dad maybe every. 3 days, read, work, hobbies, workout.”

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I threw a chaotic singles party — with total strangers from a dating app

Ahead of the holidays, Kat Delaney and her girlfriends had an idea — throw a party, but for total strangers.

The rules were simple: Delaney, 24, and her pals would each bring a guy to the soiree, but with one key difference from one of the group’s normal shindigs: their plus one had to found on a dating app. There could be no prior connections with anyone attending.

After wrangling 15 willing men to attend the event, held at a share house in Santa Barbara, the Dec. 2 party was a huge success. It resulted in three three second dates and one date switch, it lead to a viral TikTok video — with 5.4 million views — that’s inspiring followers to throw their own “chaotic singles party.”

“When you’re with a big group of people, [the vibe] is different,” Delaney, a social media manager told The Post. “Definitely lower stakes.”

The party began with games – and some drinks – to break the ice.
Courtesy of Kat Delaney
The party was a success, with the friendship group hoping to throw another soon.
thepearlinaclam/Tiktok

On paper, the plan seemed relatively easy to pull off, but some of the girls admitted that their invitees look a little longer to convince.

“Wednesday rolled around, I was like, I don’t have a date,” Delaney recalled, adding “it felt like prom.” A lot of men she asked demurred, with one telling her it ‘sounded hella awkward.’

“I was savagely texting all of these men on dating apps and swiping like crazy,” she laughed.

“I had one guy asked if he was about to get robbed,” quipped fellow party-goer Caoilinn McDonough, 24.

As time drew nearer, Delaney threw caution to the wind with her strategy to entice a plus one.

“I decided I’m just gonna put in my profile: ‘looking for a holiday date,’” she continued boldly. “It worked!”

Miraculously — and surprisingly to some — everyone’s dates turned up, and the night kicked off with drinks and party games, to ensure didn’t end up feeling like a “networking event.”

Although there were some nerves before the group of single strangers convened, the hosts said the group dynamic made it far easier.

“Everyone hit it off,” the girls said enthusiastically, although their guests did approach the end with some trepidation.

Partygoers Joey and Octavia started dating after the party.
Courtesy of Kat Delaney

“I was thinking whether or not I should wear shoes I could run or fight in, because a small part of me seriously considered the possibility of getting jumped by catfishers or scam artists,” John, who declined to give his surname, said of the unexpected invite.

“I’ve gotten my ass kicked before and it was never too bad,” the 27-year-old graphic designed joked. “Therefore, I was willing to take the risk to get drunk around new people. Overall it was a fun time and I would do it again — it wasn’t awkward in the least.”

Even though every attendee wasn’t romantically a match with their guest, the low pressure environment set the scene for some to meet someone special.

“I love all the girls so much, so I was like whatever happens with my date, I’ll be fine,” Jackie George, 25, said. “[The guys that attended] were really open minded and didn’t take themselves too seriously.”

The group of girls — all in their early to mid 20s – loved their chaotic singles party,
Courtesy of Kat Delaney

The Santa Barbara-based barista said she was much more comfortable meeting up with a stranger in a group setting than she would have been on a one-on-one date.

“It was [a] way to like, cut to the chase and see how they act in a group,” she added.

For the Delaney and her friends — who have all dabbled with online dating with varying degrees of success — the element of safety in numbers was another reason they loved the party.

“It’s safe way to get to know people,” McDonough pointed out enthusiastically. “A couple of guys I talked to said [they didn’t] really know a lot of people in town, so it’s a fun way to meet people in general.”

Elated by their experience, the girls are positive they’ll throw another chaotic bash in the future.

“It’s like utilizing what technology is there, but gets rid of the hiding behind a screen,” she added.

The night ended in romance for some, Delaney revealed two weeks after the party her friend’s date asked her out — “which was totally fine,” she assured — and another couple are now dating.

“My date came into the coffee shop [where I work],” George chimed in, giggling. “So that was kind of fun. We’re gonna go get a drink tonight.”

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