The text message read, âSorryâI have to quit. Life is just so crazy right now.âÂ
Tony tossed his phone down and sighed.
Tony Arreola, PN2-MHC, SSRC, has been coaching for nearly two decades. In that time, heâs racked up plenty of success stories, body transformations, and loyal clients. Yet, despite his years of experience and education, certain clients were slipping through the cracks.
They stopped trying, canceled their coaching, or just ghosted him altogether.
After some reflection, Tony realized the commonality among these clients.
Stress.
Underneath every polite âSorry, I canâtâŠâ message was an iceberg of overwhelm and exhaustion.
But once Tony addressed the root cause, something awesome happened:
His clients started showing up differently. They displayed more grit, grace, and gainsâeven when life went sideways.
We spoke to several other PN Certified Sleep, Stress Management, and Recovery Coaches who reported similar stories, and theyâve shared their insights with us.
Here are four strategies to determine if stress is holding clients back, and if so, how to help them persevere, and feel better.
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Strategy #1: Gauge clientsâ stress levels early on.
âThe people who quit never said they were too stressed out,â says Tony.
âThey would say things like, âOh, the kids are going back to school,â or âWeâre getting ready for this big thing coming up,â or âMy situation at work has changed.ââ
But after becoming a PN Certified Sleep, Stress Management, and Recovery Coach, Tony realized: âTheyâve all been telling me the same thing. Theyâre stressed and overwhelmed and they donât know how to cope.â
Jaylee Thomas, PN1-NC, SSRC, Pilates instructor, meditation teacher, and nutrition coach in Vancouver, British Columbia, mirrors the observation:
âClients donât say they canât continue their coaching because theyâre too stressed out. They just⊠stop. Stop checking in, stop doing the assignments Iâve given them, stop responding to messages.â
What does this tell us?
When it comes to addressing stress, donât leave it up to your clients to ask for help. Take the lead.
Put it into action
ⶠInclude questions about stress in your intake.
Tony now asks all clients about their stress levels.
âWhen someone tells me they want to get in shape, I ask them two questions:
- Question #1: Whatâs your current stress load?
- Question #2: How do you manage your stress?â
This helps him understand what clients are dealing with, how much capacity they have for change, and how he can best help them.
(Want to help clients assess their readiness and ability to take on change? Get them to fill out the Change Capacity Assessment.)
ⶠHelp clients plan for inevitable stress.
A client might intend to hit the gym the moment they finish work, but what if their commute runs long? Or their kid has to come home early from school?
Thatâs where planning comes in.
âI help my clients plan ahead, because the ideal situation rarely happens, â says Rob Klein, PN2-MHC, SSRC, a health coach based in Fair Lawn, New Jersey.
âIâll say, âOkay, if things donât go according to plan A, whatâs plan B, plan C?â Now we know if things donât go perfectly, weâve got an alternative.â
ⶠCheck in regularly about your clientâs stress levels.
When you know where your clientsâ stress levels are at, you can modify programming, and/or implement more recovery.
To do this, Tony monitors his clientâs stress âtemperatureâ as part of a weekly check-in.
âAlong with questions about their sleep, movement, and nutrition, Iâll ask, âWhatâs your stress load for the week? Give me a number between 1 and 10.ââ
Note: âSome clients get stressed out just by the word âstress,ââ warns Jaylee. For them, you might phrase the question differently. Something like, âWhatâs going on in your life right now?â can invite your client to talk about challenges they might be facing.
If theyâre hesitant, be patient.
âIt can take time to build trust,â notes Shauna Hammer, PN1-NC, SSRC, a CrossFit and nutrition coach in Unity, Saskatchewan. âBut if I offer continued positive support, show them that Iâm here no matter what their life looks like, in time they open up a bit more.â
Strategy #2: Treat stress management as a habit like any other
Stress management is a skill.
And like all skills, itâs something you can get better at.
âWhen I ask new clients how they manage stress, many of them tell me, âNo one can manage stress,ââ says Tony. âBut thatâs not true.â
There are many techniques and tools you can use to help clients improve their stress managementâstarting with helping them understand it IS something they can improve.
Put it into action
ⶠAim for one percent better.
âEventually stress management becomes second nature,â says Rob. âBut we have to work at it, especially in the beginning.â
Tony recalls a client whoâs been with him for three years:
âIn the beginning, he was stressed to the max. Now he says to me, âMy stress is still at a level 9 or 10, but I deal with it differently. I come home from work at a reasonable time, have a nice dinner with my wife, get a good nightâs sleep, and move on to the next day.ââ
âWe did a lot of things to get to this point,â says Tony. âIt doesnât happen from just one method, but with many small practices over time.â
ⶠLook for small ways to release the pressure.
âStress is going to happen,â says Jaylee. âBut we do have the power to release pressure from the valve throughout the day.â
The exact âpressure-releasingâ practices can vary from person-to-personâbut here are a few ideas:
- Take a walk without your phone. (âEven walking one single block will start to relax your nervous system,â says Jaylee.)
- Do a brain dump. (âWrite down your thoughts on a piece of paper to get them out of your head, especially before bed,â says Rob.)
- Focus on what you can control. (âTry a  âspheres of control,â exercise,â suggests Tony.)
- Do something fun. (âPeople think theyâre being âgoodâ by being super focused on their eating or exercise, but they donât realize that hyper-focusing is a form of stress. Life is short, so plan for some fun in your week,â says Rob.)
(Still feel like youâre âfailingâ at self-care? Read: Three self-care strategies that workâno bubble bath required)
ⶠBreathe.
Breathing is a great place to start for clients of all levels. Itâs easy, effectiveâand it doesnât cost a thing.
If a client walks into the gym super stressed, Tony asks them to take a few deep breaths before getting started.
Inevitably, clients feel some relief. Tony tells them: âWeâre not going to get rid of stress completely. But we can make it just a little better, bring a bit more calmness into your day.â
(Want our complete breathwork guide? Download it now at no cost.)
Strategy #3: Help people be less of a jerk to themselves
We asked all the coaches interviewed for this article what their clientsâ biggest stress point is.
Was it work? Relationships? Lack of sleep? The pandemic?
Nope.
Every one of them said âbeating themselves upâ was #1.
For many people, the biggest source of stress is⊠themselves.
âThe number one factor in client success or failure is the story they tell themselves. If my clients beat themselves up, itâs going to be really difficult for them to change,â says Tony.
Shauna agrees. âFeeling bad about yourself just adds to your stress. If people have positive regard for themselves, theyâre more likely to have the capacity for change, and to come back after a failure.â
Put it into action
ⶠRelentlessly call out small wins and bright spots.
âWhen clients are struggling, they tend to be hard on themselves. Iâm always on the lookout for small wins they mightâve missed,â says Shauna.
âFor example, suppose a client emails me to say theyâve been too busy with their kids so they havenât been able to check in, or get their food prep done, and they feel awful about it.
âI might say something like, âyouâre so dedicated to your parenting. I really admire that about you, and the effort youâre making with your nutrition means youâre being a positive role model to your kids.ââ
Rob adds: âIf my clients feel like theyâre failing, I ask them to pause and do a little reflection to see how far theyâve come.
âI might ask: What would your previous self be doing in this situation right now? What things have you improved since then? When they look back, they can usually identify signs of progress they might have missed.â
Of course, the trick is to do this without veering into toxic positivity. It pairs well with listening and empathizing, noted in Strategy #4.
(Tip: Use the Bright Spots Tracker to help clients record things that go well, so they have evidence of their success.)
ⶠTrack other forms of progress (besides the scale).
âAt the beginning of our work together, I have clients develop a list of things they want to pay attention to, besides weight loss,â says Jaylee. âIt might be energy levels, mood, snappiness with people, and so on. Whatever is important to them.âÂ
If a client feels frustrated with a lack of progress, Jaylee has them review the list and notice changes.
âYou can help your client take pride in things they might have otherwise overlooked. When we feel successful, weâre more likely to keep going.â
ⶠNotice and name negative self-talk.
Changing your thoughts isnât easyâespecially if self-criticism feels like a grimy security blanket you just canât quit.Â
Sometimes, professional help is required. But coaches can still be advocates and role models for healthier self-talk.Â
Jaylee recommends the notice-and-name approach:
âI tell my clients, you have to name it to tame it. If an overly critical or judgy thought pops up in your mind, just acknowledge it. You donât have to change it, just pause. When you notice it, you can let it go and move on.â
Jaylee sees the results: âIn time, my clients are less hard on themselves, or theyâre hard on themselves for shorter amounts of time. And the less they beat themselves up, the more energy they have for other things.âÂ
(One of the best ways to disrupt negative self-talk? Self-compassion. Try a quickie here.)
Strategy #4: Meet your clients where theyâre at
In dark times, coaches can be a source of light and comfortâsimply by showing up with empathy and understanding.
âI think what people need most is just to have someone in their corner,â says Tony. âI might be the only person who is really listening and empathizing with them in their lives.â
âI try to be very compassionate because it IS hard,â adds Jaylee. âPeople donât have any extra bandwidth these days. Theyâre already so stretched. I donât want to add to the stress.â
Put it into action
ⶠAdjust habits to make them more doable in stressful times.
Many clients suffer from all-or-nothing thinking: If they canât do their program perfectly, rather than scale things backâthey quit.
Instead, coaches can help them learn to adjust their âlife dials.â
(In the example below, the nutrition âdialâ can be turned up or down according to a personâs capacity.)
Rob, whoâs had multiple sclerosis for 23 years, is very familiar with scaling efforts up and down, depending on his symptoms. He shares that strategy with his clients:
âImagine your effort on a scale from 1-10. Maybe you wanted to be working out at a level 8, 9, or 10 today but something happened and youâre only at a level 2. Fineâyouâre doing something rather than nothing, and thatâs always better.â
Tony adds that even when clients can only handle very simple tasks, they can still get results:
âI have one client whoâs been so stressed out. I gave him just one habit to start withâdrink more water. Thatâs it. Itâs been four months, and heâs down 12 pounds.â
ⶠListen and empathize, without trying to solve.
Tony learned that sometimes, the best thing he can do is just be present.
âBefore I took the PN Certification, I had a huge blind spot with this stuff. If clients were stressed, I basically would have said, âget over it.â I see now that wasnât very helpful.â
âThese days, If a client is stressed out and needs to vent, I just sit in the fire with them,â he says. âI acknowledge what theyâre going through. After a little while, their energy shifts and theyâre ready to go forward.â
Sitting in the fire with a client is different than trying to put out the fire for them:
âI donât try to solve their problems,â clarifies Tony. âI just listen and empathize. Nothing is going to get solved in our conversation, but they feel better because theyâve been heard.â
Sometimes, empathizing can involve letting your clients see your human side.
âIâm an open book with my clients,â says Rob. âI tell them about my MS. I explain that I canât control my body and how itâs going to react and what itâs going to feel like on a given day.â
By sharing a bit of his own story, Robâs clients know theyâre not alone.
ⶠGive people space if they need it.
Sometimes, people just need a breakâand thatâs okay too.
âIâve had situations where something significant has happened to a client, a death in the family or a family emergency,â says Jaylee. âIn those cases I try to give the person some space. I want to acknowledge their priorities have shifted. I let them know Iâm here, but I donât overdo it.â
Most importantly, Shauna remembers to keep clients in charge:
âI always think that the client needs to direct where they want to go and the amount of effort that theyâre willing and able to put in. Itâs my job to meet them where theyâre at.â
If youâre a health and fitness proâŠ
Learning how to help clients manage stress and optimize sleep can massively change your clientsâ results.
Theyâll get âunstuckâ and finally move forwardâwhether they want to eat better, move more, lose weight, or reclaim their health.
Plus, itâll give you the confidence and credibility as a specialized coach who can solve the biggest problems blocking any clientsâ progress.
The brand-new PN Level 1 Sleep, Stress Management, and Recovery Coaching Certification will show you how.
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