Woody Harrelson Monologue Talks COVID and Vaccines, Plus Cologuard and Jack White

Three weeks removed from an instant classic episode with Pedro Pascal, Saturday Night Live returned with not one, but two new inductees to the five-timers club, with Woody Harrelson hosting and Jack White as the musical guest. So why was the episode so instantly forgettable? Let’s recap and see if our memory jogging makes us feel better about it all in retrospect.

What’s The Deal For The SNL Cold Open For Last Night (2/25/23)?

The show can’t let go of Donald Trump just as Trump can’t let go of us, so here’s James Austin Johnson once more, this time speaking to the fine folks of East Palestine, Ohio, scene of a toxic disaster in the wake of a train derailment there. The one thing JAJ’s Trump has going for him and us is that his rambling riffs always manage to land into some amusing logic circles, such as his boasting about Trump-branded water whilst also managing to compliment Ohio residents on the new rainbows forming in their discolored waterways. When he hears farmers complain about how the spilled chemicals have infected their dirt, JAJ’s Trump declares: “Don’t eat the dirt. You should be eating the cold McDonald’s I brought you.”

There’s no good reason or explanation that would have him introduce the woman who’s the outspoken grand jury forewoman in a case against Trump, but the writers shoehorned her into the sketch anyhow. I suppose it’s a good sign of my mental health that I have no idea if Chloe Fineman’s impersonation is remotely close to the real thing, nor do I want to find out. But I know enough to know this isn’t how you open a quality episode.

How Did The SNL Guest Host Woody Harrelson Do?

Woody Harrelson stars in the upcoming film Champions, in theaters March 10. In a meandering and sometimes aimless monologue, Woody reminded us he loves smoking weed, is trying not to drink as much as before, and is still a vegan. I’m not sure I’d heard Woody was an anti-vaxxer, but he definitely wasn’t subtle about comparing the COVID vaccine manufacturers to drug cartels forcing us into quarantine and only letting us out if we took their drugs — supposedly this was a movie script he read in November 2019?!? No wonder the SNL cast left him hanging at the end of the monologue when he asked about his 5-Timers Club jacket.

As for the night’s sketches, they all felt a bit lackluster.

In “Jail Scene,” the first live sketch after the monologue, Woody plays a prisoner getting a visit from his lover (Chloe), but their chat through the glass is figuratively shattered by running commentary by the two prison guards (Ego Nwodim and Kenan Thompson) contradicting them at every turn. They had a premise but didn’t really take it anywhere interesting. A similar fate befell the “Slingshot” sketch, where Woody and Kenan are with their dates (Ego and Heidi Gardner) waiting for an amusement park ride, where the twist is that Kenan goes from cool and confident in line to immediately passing out on the slingshot, while Woody goes from nervous before to giddy during and after. They then just repeat the gimmick with Ego and Heidi. Kenan does attempt to blurt out some revelations of some sort but it’s all muddled, which blunts any actual heightening of the game.

The “please don’t destroy” trio returned for their first short video of 2023 (wait, is that right?), and it finds Ben Marshall wondering why John Higgins and Martin Herlihy don’t want to hang out with him anymore. Woody offers to help find out via stakeout, which leads to them to a house in Connecticut where John and Martin have gone to great lengths to create their own life without Ben. Uh oh!

There’s a lot of yelling in this Naval submarine launch sketch, but that’s because it seems that the U.S. Navy learned nothing from the UK’s 2016 #NameOurShip poll that resulted in Boaty McBoatface. This American ship is christened Mr. Dingleberry’s Goochballoon ASDFJKL; 6969. But not for long.

And this week’s winner for best branded content in the form of a “fake ad” that might as well be a real ad short film goes to Cologuard! Tell them what they’ve won. You’ve just earned yourselves some extra publicity in the form of making stool samples sound like sexual innuendos. Congrats, Cologuard! “This is sick.” “Yeah, but not sick from colon cancer.”

How Relevant Was The Musical Guest Jack White?

Jack White last appeared on SNL in October 2020 as a last-minute replacement for Morgan Wallen, which made his 2023 return his fifth time performing on the show, and fourth outside of The White Stripes. So Woody paused during his first introduction of White to wonder aloud: “Does he get a jacket, too?”

For White’s first song, he went with a medley of “Taking Me Back/Fear of the Dawn,” the first two tracks on White’s 2022 rock album release, “Fear of the Dawn.”

His second song, “A Tip From You to Me,” can be found on White’s 2022 folk album release, “Entering Heaven Alive.”

Which Sketch Will We Be Sharing: “The Hippo”

It’s movie awards season, so this blatant ripoff of The Whale is so blatant, it’s a pivotal part of the sketch’s premise and plot twists.

If you thought a movie exploiting fat people and lauding Brendan Fraser but only allowing him to make a comeback in a fat suit, then just wait until you giggle at the prospect of Woody’s character gaining 450 pounds of real weight in six months for his movie role, only to find out it was all for nothing, and then find out his castmates felt their movie prep was equally traumatic, but then remember that Woody is still just in a fat suit? So many layers. Four hundred and fifty layers?

Who Stopped By Weekend Update?

At least Colin Jost and Michael Che looked like they were having a blast tonight during their part of Update.

Since we’re fresh of the NBA’s All-Star break and a momentous record-breaking moment by LeBron James, we’ve got JAJ as Bill Walton to talk hoops. His Walton shares the same aptitude for nonsensical riffing as his Trump, only with more pot-fueled growling and basketball play-by-play broadcasting tangents.

Heidi Gardner showed up, too, as proud mom of five Gina Bianchi. Gina’s got four daughters and one son, and she clearly prefers her son to her daughters. A little too much, if you ask anyone.

At the end of the segment, they flashed a tribute card for Eugene Lee, who died earlier this month at 83. Lee was designing sets for Broadway shows that so impressed Lorne Michaels that he not only hired Lee to design the original sets and staging for Studio 8H, but kept him on staff from 1975 up until this season! R.I.P.

What Sketch Filled The “10-to-1” Slot?

At 12:52 a.m. Eastern, Steve Higgins informs us we’re going to watch two men speak at the most beautiful gym in the world, which means Woody and Bowen Yang in suits or tuxes, with Michael Longfellow also in formalwear playing a piano.”This gym is so classy it should be called a James.” That line from Bowen got the biggest laugh? For a final sketch of the night, it came off too mellow and mild, when we’re all hoping for wacky and wild. Oh well.

Before goodnights, the show also paused for a brief tribute card for Richard Belzer, who died a week ago. Belzer was SNL’s original warm-up act in the 1970s and even appeared in some sketches in those early seasons, and of course was known to millions as Munch.

Who Was The Episode’s MVP?

For an episode in which only a few members of the cast carried most of the load (JAJ, Chloe, Kenan, Ego and Heidi), ’twas James Austin Johnson who had to do the most in terms of hair and makeup changes and character variety. So JAJ is our MVP for this week.

Next week, Travis Kelce, tight end from the 2023 Super Bowl champion Kansas City Chiefs, hosts, with musical guest Kelsea Ballerini.

Sean L. McCarthy works the comedy beat for his own digital newspaper, The Comic’s Comic; before that, for actual newspapers. Based in NYC but will travel anywhere for the scoop: Ice cream or news. He also tweets @thecomicscomic and podcasts half-hour episodes with comedians revealing origin stories: The Comic’s Comic Presents Last Things First.