Scandalous pope thriller starring Ralph Fiennes has shocking twists

You could call “Conclave,” the juicy new Vatican thriller starring Ralph Fiennes, a pope opera. 

Director Edward Berger’s movie, which played Monday in the Toronto International Film Festival, is no sober depiction of the inner workings of the papacy. 

Far from it. Much like reading a Dan Brown novel, don’t show up looking to bone up for your theology exam. 

Rather, the film based on Robert Harris’ novel is a scandal-stuffed mystery that depicts Catholic cardinals as power-hungry politicos who put their own self-interest ahead of their billion-strong flock.

These men of the cloth connive, mislead and corruptly secure colleagues’ support in dogged pursuit of becoming pontiff.

PBS would balk. The Catholic Church, presumably, won’t be bursting at the seams with glee either. 

I, however, was riveted.

Berger, who last directed the Oscar-winning “All Quiet On The Western Front,” is a master entertainer who’s allergic to lulls. Every second is dripping with drama. His flair for grandiosity that shown so brilliantly in that World War I epic is back with a vengeance at St. Peter’s Basilica.

The ferocious competition begins as soon as the current pope dies. 

While I needle “Conclave” for being far from realistic, its meticulous detail is evidenced immediately by the ceremonial removal of the papal ring from the corpse and the sealing of his apartment. Visually, the entire film’s a stunner. 

Two weeks later, the Dean of Cardinals, Thomas Lawrence (Fiennes) convenes the conclave — the gathering to vote on the church’s next leader. You know, the one with the black-or-white smoke.

Several candidates quickly emerge, all of whom stand for specific ideologies.

Cardinal Tedesco (Sergio Castellitto) is a hard-nosed conservative who would like to return to pre-Vatican-II traditions. It’s fair to say he’s right of Pope Benedict.

Across the aisle, Cardinal Bellini (Stanley Tucci) is favored by the liberal wing. Advocating for enhanced recognition of gays and women, he’s even further left of Pope Francis. 

And Cardinals Tremblay (John Lithgow) and Adeyemi (Lucian Msamati) are popular moderates.

Shaking things up is Benitez (Carlos Diehz), the Cardinal from Kabul that the pope appointed in secret for his own protection in that turbulent part of the world.

As they endure round after round of voting, personal blemishes are unearthed that jeopardize some prospects’ chances at the top job. It’s House of Cardinals. 

Lithgow, Tucci and Castellitto are divine casting. Their natural formality is well-suited to stuffy, serious priests. And baldness and a stern brow have never been so appreciated. 

While it’s true the actors’ roles are mostly flat, “Conclave” does not set out to be a deep character study. Nor should it be. We haven’t come to learn about how the cardinals’ dads missed their baseball games or that they have a hidden passion for crochet.

Lawrence, a Bellini believer, works hard to hold the troublesome gathering together and to prevent the media from getting wind of all the problems befalling the process. 

Fiennes, with eerie ease, is at once authoritative and freakily sinister as he makes questionable but necessary choices. Seeming to operate with the noblest of intentions, he’s our guy. But, uh oh, perhaps he’s not. 

Indeed, there are more twists in “Conclave” than on a forgotten strand of Christmas lights. However you may feel about the ending, you will not see it coming. 

I’ve seen many, many religion films and plays over the years. But rarely do the wafer and wine go down such a treat.