I can’t remember my kids as babies

Many of us can’t remember our childhood.

Trying to recall your own experiences at preschool or as a primary schooler are probably just hazy images, if that.

It’s totally normal and understandable and is a well-recognized phenomenon, known as “childhood amnesia.” 

But one mom has revealed that she actually doesn’t remember her own kid’s childhoods, or rather — them as young children.

“They’re like separate entities”

They’re now much older and after recently looking at old photos of them as toddlers, she was left confused as she had difficulty reconciling the difference in ages. 

Her children seemed like strangers to her. 

In a viral post on Mumsnet yesterday, the mom, user EmpressOFTheSofa, shared a post titled, “I can’t remember my children.”

She later admits that she knows that it sounds dramatic, but that’s honestly what’s happened.

The woman begins by saying, “I’ve just had a FB memory of my youngest doing something cute as a toddler. And watching it feels like watching my own cute baby but they have no relevance to the pre-teen I see now.”

The mum ensures readers that she has a strong relationship with her kids, but for some reason, she can’t see any cohesion when she looks at pictures and videos of them then, versus now.

It’s like they’re different people, or “separate identities,” as she puts it. 

“Is this weird?” she asks, before continuing to explain, “I can see pictures of my younger siblings and join that together with the adults they are now but with my kids, I seem to have a strange disconnect between who they were as infants and who they are as older children.”

The OP then admits that she’s finding it quite “disturbing”.

“It’s like ‘remember that toddler we used to know’ and ‘look at this funny child laughing at his own farts’.  Love them, but they seem like completely different entities.

“Has anyone else experienced this or am I losing it?” she asks at the end of her post.

“I thought I was a monster”

Well, the response has been varied. Some say it could actually be a sign of an underlying mental issue and others say they’ve had similar experiences.

One person said, “I’d say it’s a cognitive issue if you look at photos of your kids but can’t remember them, sorry.”

A different user wrote, “I don’t think it’s that you can’t remember your kids, they’ve just changed a lot. Personality wise and looks.”

Another shared: “It’s not just you OP! It’s like adolescence comes along and steals your little children away and they morph into the same but different people. Also, I think you are so busy ‘doing’ when you are raising young children that it’s hard to stop and just savor the moment.

“I sometimes think there is some mechanism in our minds that makes us forget each stage to be honest.”

A different person added to this idea, musing, “The loss of memory of the details of your child’s early years could be seen as nature’s way of putting you in the present.”

This mama empathized, saying, “Absolutely can relate and I was actually thinking about posting something similar just recently. It’s as if the young children simply don’t exist anymore. I find looking at photos a very bittersweet experience.”

Someone else wrote, “I think this feeling is becoming more common since we started viewing life through our phones and social media. I’m making a conscious effort to be more in the moment now.”

Others put it down to tiredness and sleep deprivation. “I was so f—king knackered all the time when my kids were little that I think my brain just didn’t retain much of it.”

The OP posted a follow-up post after reading the comments: “I am so glad I posted this! I was feeling very low in general and particularly low about my big kids living away. The FB memory of my gorgeous toddler pretty much tipped me over as I couldn’t reconcile him with the farty little 10-year-old monster.

“I thought I was the monster because I couldn’t remember my babies as babies.

“Thank you, Mumsnet. 20 years here and you are still making my life better even though they aren’t babies any more.”