Are you ‘glossing?’ Pretending to be fine at work isn’t doing any good

Countless workers are smiling through the stress via a phenomenon called “glossing” and it’s time to put an end to it.

“Glossing” refers to excessive optimism to dismiss difficulties at work, including real emotional struggles and negative emotions, said Dr. Trina Clayeux, PhD, of Raleigh, NC, and CEO at Give an Hour, a mental health nonprofit that provides free mental health services nationwide through a network of volunteer professionals.

“Using this coping mechanism can lead to mistrust, isolation, increased stress and even resentment,” said Clayeux, pointing to a 2024 Monster poll which found that 67% of workers feel they work in a toxic environment and 78% of workers don’t think their employer is doing enough to address their mental wellness at work.

Most people know if they are glossing, said Karen Leal, performance specialist at Insperity, a national HR provider in Houston.

“They may say they are fine or not speak up, but they have an inner monologue about what is not quite sitting right,” she explained, noting that glossers may also know what changes they would like to see but aren’t expressing their thoughts and ideas.

The practice of sidestepping these conversations can become a bad habit.

“The longer the avoidance continues, the chances of productively addressing the issues get slimmer,” she said. “The issues either go unresolved or get addressed when they can’t be swept under the rug anymore.”

Along with the dreaded “I’m fine,” some telltale signs from co-workers include dismissive comments and ignoring feedback. Even those overly cheerful emails could be an avoidance tactic, said Clayeux, who advised paying attention to phrases like “just stay positive!” or “it could be worse!”

“This is very common in toxic environments where glossing is a consistent practice,” she said.
Here’s how to overcome this common workplace MO.

Tone down positive language

Clayeux stressed checking in with yourself and gauging the emotional tone of conversations. Then use language that acknowledges your feelings rather than using overly positive statements.

Geraud Staton, a Durham, NC, CEO who works in consulting and public affairs and also serves as a peer support facilitator at Give an Hour, recalls one notable example.

Staton and a colleague were working on a major project, reporting to the same supervisor. “I noticed that my co-worker often used glossing to downplay the amount of time and effort required to complete the project,” he shared. “They would frequently tell partners and stakeholders how seamless and quick the process would be, which I knew wasn’t accurate.”

Staton was concerned about speaking up since no one ever wants to be the “bad guy.” Eventually, he settled on using data to display an honest estimate of how long it would take to complete the project.

“The thing about glossing is that people often use it to protect themselves, especially in environments with manipulative leadership or supervisors. It can feel easier to gloss over the challenges to avoid being seen in a negative light,” reflects Staton. “Glossing didn’t get us anywhere, and being honest and upfront from the beginning would have been the best route.”

Speak up at one-on-ones

Make the most of this valuable time with your boss.

“These personal meetings are meant for you to open up and express any issues you may have and point out areas where you need additional support,” said Leal, who emphasized the importance of having difficult conversations.

“Learning to navigate the dialogue about challenges you are facing creates the experience to, hopefully, make the conversations easier over time and supports the realization that glossing isn’t helpful, nor is it a solution,” Leal said. “You can discuss your career path and express your interest in professional development so you can grow within the company.”

Don’t dismiss feedback

The truth can hurt. “Be open to feedback that suggests you tend to gloss over issues rather than address them,” said Clayeux.

Acknowledge and explore the other person’s perspective. Take the following example of Clayeux’s for a framework to respond to criticism: “Thank you for raising concerns. I realize I may have seemed dismissive by focusing on the opportunities only. Can you share more about the challenges you’re facing so we can address them together?”

Nix the people pleasing

“Many people pleasers tend to practice glossing, and leadership may not know of any issues until they receive their hard-working employee’s resignation,” cautioned Leal. “Consistently putting on a brave face, not addressing issues and keeping quiet about what you need as an employee can also be detrimental to your career. If you do not speak up about an issue, including not advocating your ambitions for advancement, your career could become stagnant.”

Glossing and toxic positivity can lower morale over time by eroding trust and squelching open communication. Implementing a mindfulness practice like meditation or yoga or speaking with a licensed therapist can help you learn more about your inner tendencies to always keep other people happy and rewire your inclination to bend over backward for others — both in your professional and your personal life.

Identify when someone is glossing

While the onus is on an employee to speak up, it is important for managers to develop individual relationships with their team so they are aware when something may be off.

“Encouraging conversation to help drive personal and team connection is especially critical today as we manage in remote and hybrid settings,” said Leal.

Leal shares the story of a client where an employee had significant changes to their role, and when asked how things were going, the employee consistently said all was well.

“In actuality, the employee was overwhelmed but didn’t want to appear as if they didn’t know what they were doing,” said Leal. “Rather than ask for help, or take the help offered, the employee opted to figure things out on their own.”

Eventually, it got to the point where the employee was visibly struggling and the manager stepped in. This suffering in silence due to glossing “occurs far more often than we would hope,” said Leal.
Don’t be part of that cohort. Why not ditch the burden of the brave face?