Aging Gen Xers don’t want to be called grandma

When Inna Berman learned last year that her 26-year-old daughter was having a baby. She was thrilled. 

But would the Gen Xer be called “granny”? 

As if.

“A grandmother is an old gray-haired lady,” Berman, 55, told The Post. “I’m not a grandmother; I just have a grandchild.”

As Generation X approaches 60-years-old — the oldest members were born in 1965 and turn 59 this year — some member are becoming grandparents. But, in typical Gen X fashion, they’re eschewing traditional grandmother labels for playful alternatives such as Gigi, Mimi, Gaga and Yaya. 

“Nobody wants to be called grandma,” said Jill Hite, a 56-year-old who lives in Fort Wayne, Ind., and has two young grandsons. “Everyone I know is like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to be called grandma, what’s my grandma name going to be?’ And it kind of becomes who your personality is at some level.”

Hite, who owns a women’s boutique and posts over-50 fashion tutorials at @girlsourage on TikTok, decided her grandmother name would be “Nonna” after a trip to Italy.

“We had a driver who was giving us a private tour, and he said, ‘I’m going to take you by Nonna Maria’s house,’ meaning his grandmother,” she recalled. “My kids said, ‘Mom, that’s what your name’s going to be!’ I just wanted something fun.”

Berman — who welcomed grandchild Kima Andre in February —  also wanted something with some spunk.

The Park Slope resident came up with “Gigi” by repeating the initials for “Grandma Inna.” Initially, her own children teased her.

“At first, I think everyone was making fun of it,” Berman said. “Like, ‘Why are you so afraid to be called a grandmother?’ But I’m not afraid — I just don’t look or feel like one.”

Her family has come to realize Gigi suits her. Berman works in the wine industry, still has a teenage kid at home and loves to travel with her husband (who still hasn’t figured out his own grandparent name). 

Michelle Janning, a sociology professor at Whitman College, said it makes sense that Gen Xers are rejecting the “grandma” label. For one, there’s not as much of a gap between generations as there used to be, thanks to social media.

“My grandparents were just clueless about the kinds of music I listened to and the kinds of shows I watched,” Janning, 52 and a Gen Xer herself, said. “Now there’s so much saturation of these things that it’s easier to relate — or try to relate — to people across age groups.”

Many grandparents now feel too young for old-fashioned labels.

“People have long tried to avoid aging in general, but that’s just increased with the sheer volume of anti-aging messages put out by the media and social media,” Janning said. “So I think women are choosing a title that doesn’t call to mind that stigma.”

Tammy Sons, 55, did not want to seem “old” when she had her first grandchild 17 years ago in her late 30s. (She gave birth to her oldest son at 18.)

“I just couldn’t stand the thought of being referred to as grandma or grams or granny!” recalled Sons, who now has six grandchildren and runs her own plant nursery, TN Nursery, outside of Nashville. “I asked my oldest son in the hospital when his wife was in labor — I said, ‘Please train this child to call me Nanny!’”

Changing family structures are also driving the trend, Janning noted.

There are more divorced and step grandparents, LGBTQ grandparents, grandparents with partners who aren’t married and close friends that function as family than in previous decades.

“You need names to differentiate all these people in your life,” Janning said.

That’s how Cindy Valdez, a 50-year-old portrait photographer from Tampa, came to be called in Gigi.

Two years ago, her oldest son was dating a woman with a 3-year-old daughter named Ameira, and things were getting serious. 

“He told me, ‘You’re probably going to want to think about a grandparent name,’” Valdez remembered. “Being a Gen Xer and having that sort of a going-along, chilling-out sort-of-thing going on, the ‘grandma’ label just didn’t really fit. I’m still super active. I own my own business. I’m constantly on the go. I’m not sitting at home crocheting blankets and watching reruns of ‘Hee Haw.’”

So, when Valdez first met Ameira, she began tossing around possible names. “When I said ‘Gigi,’ she immediately was like, ‘Yes, Gigi!’” 

Now, Valdez has two granddaughters — Ameira, now 5, and 1-year-old Charlotte — and everyone agrees that “Gigi” is the perfect name for her.

“Let’s be honest, my grandkids are probably going to learn their first curse words from me,” she said. “That’s just who I am: I’ll be the grandma that’s taking the kids to the Metallica concert!”